It's hot here in the Big Apple!

Dang! It's hot here in the Big Apple!

I know I can't really complain--only 2 days over the 90-degree mark in the month of August. The temperature isn't really the beast. It's the humidity. Like walking thru water at times. And my hair--well, that's a whole different story! YIKES!! What made me think I wanted to grow long hair??

I've been relatively sequestered in our apartment, studying Hawaiian music and writing a bit. I'm totally blown away by some poets that are rocking my whole universe at the moment. Especially my all-time-fave, Mr. Ted Kooser. His work makes me smile. (And sigh.) What a gift! Currently reading for the ump-teenth time DELIGHTS & SHADOWS.

I've also been crushing on Mary Oliver. Only recently came to know more about her. I re-read part of her book, THE POETRY HANDBOOK, while in a bookstore the other day and I feel like I finally got a glimpse of who she is as a poet and as a person.

AND... I can't forget to mention my crush on Kay Ryan. Her compact poems appear so simple. I stress the word: APPEAR. They are powerful! So much to love and soak in. What a gifted writer! I love reading and then immediately RE-READING her poems. And then going to the computer to learn more about the subjects in her works. Really inspiring stuff. Current favorite collection: ELEPHANT ROCKS

I love the fact that I can go into the bookstore and purchase a collection of poetry--usually a slim volume and relatively inexpensive--and then put it in my backpack for enjoyment throughout the day. Sneaking a peak at a poem or two (or five!) while I'm on the subway. Or waiting in line at the post office. It's like attending an art exhibition without having to go to the museum. (Museums and galleries can sometimes be VERY intimidating places here in NYC.)

These folks continue to inspire me. And make me smile--even while dripping with sweat and pushing my afro out of my eyes. Right on!

Time...

Ok... I'm writing this as the thoughts come. It's raw. Unedited. Bear with me...

This week so much of my focus has been on the concept of time. I think I was letting my OCD play with that. Too much. I loved the idea of following a schedule, but then found that I only followed it loosely. That drove me crazy. I was feeling like I'd found the answer to "getting it all done" and then wasn't following my own advice.

This morning, I received a phone call with some distressing news. A special person in my world was told they had a cyst--and the possibility of cancer. Now cancer is not a new thing in my world. So many of the people that I love have had cancer. I know that's nothing unique. I would be willing to bet that most people's lives have been touched by cancer in one way or another. But I was sick to my stomach when I heard it. And then I kicked into gear. "Well, we'll deal with it if it comes to that," I heard myself saying.

By coincidence, I happened to pick up a book that I've been reading for a while, KŪ KANAKA, A SEARCH FOR HAWAIIAN VALUES. The pages opened to a section on the Hawaiian concept of QUALITY TIME. How fitting, I thought. Thatʻs what Iʻve been thinking about all week. Dr. George Huʻeu Sanford Kanahele goes on to say that the traditional Hawaiian way of thinking is to remain in the present moment, as thatʻs all that anyone really has. And itʻs not the quantity of time thatʻs important, but the quality of time. He goes on to say that the subjective value of time "lies in the quality and meaning of what we do with our time. Or, in other words, we should relax more, and live according to Hawaiian time." (Sorry, Dr. Kanahele, but I donʻt know how to do footnotes anymore!)

Now... I loved that. It made my whole body buzz. I get it! Itʻs not about getting 500 things done every day. Itʻs about doing something and doing it right. Using the time weʻre given to really concentrate on the task at hand.

Then the whole picture started coming together. Hereʻs this person in my world whoʻs confronted with the possibility of cancer. How should they live their life? In a state of stress because they werenʻt able to cross everything off of their checklist? Or concentrating on whatʻs right before them. Right at that moment. Isnʻt that what we ALL should be doing? Do we need to wait to have some sort of health crisis to understand that?

There is a happy ending to this story. This afternoon, my friend spoke to a good doctor. While they canʻt be sure until a biopsy is done, there is a very strong chance that the cyst will prove to be benign. All will most-likely be ok.

But this served as another powerful WAKE UP! call in my world. Ok... So I might make a list of things that I hope to accomplish every day. Ok... So I might give myself an outline of how long I hope to spend working on each task. But if the task takes longer, then it takes longer. Iʻm going to try to give it my REAL and FOCUSED attention. I want to do things until theyʻre done. And done well.

And that way, if Iʻm blessed to see the sunset and review the day, Iʻll be able to say that for that day, I lived as well as I could. And did as well as I could.

And that would be pretty great.

HAPPY ALOHA FRIDAY.

Neck Pain, Back Spasms, Migraines... Oh My!

AAARRRGGGHHH!

Today hasn't been an easy one. Lots of physical pain that started last night with a back spasm that lead to a day of migraine headaches. Still managed to get some stuff done, but it's been tough.

Had a great conversation with my cousin, Steph. A kindred spirit. We are cut from the same cloth, for sure! The oddballs of the family. I think we see things a bit differently than most. But I think that we validate each other. Priceless!

She inspires me more than she'll ever know. She sees what she wants and then goes for it. It certainly seems that she's not the type to get "lost" in her head, OVERthinking everything so that she becomes paralyzed. This gal is a mover and a shaker. She's going to change the world in ways that will blow her mind. She already does by just being the kind spirit that she is. I feel blessed to know her.

Tomorrow promises to be a bit easier... I can feel the pressure in my back, neck and head starting to subside. Little by little. And heck, any bit of relief will make tomorrow a bit easier, right?

Maybe tomorrow I'll take a ride downtown to walk around a bit, too. It would be good to get out and about for a few hours. Let's see where the day leads...

Happy Thursday.

Feeling Inspired

This past week, I spent a few days back in LA with some of my writing buddies, The BAMFs. JF asked me to come and speak to her art students. The school had set aside money for a guest lecturer (or a field trip!) and JF managed to secure the funds for me! I was asked to come and talk about creativity. Felt totally overwhelmed at first. What the heck did I know about the big C word?

Then I stopped. Took a deep breath. And remembered that for the past year, I have been on a quest to define my own creative process. Quitting the job and moving to the west coast was a leap of faith. Waking up every morning and confronting the stacks of music, the blank pages in the notebooks, the silent 'ukulele... I had to figure out HOW I was going to make this whole thing work. I had to look at myself in an extremely critical mirror. WHO am I? WHAT is it that I hope to do? The kids are confronted with these same questions. All artists are.

Are there other jobs that constantly ask these questions? Do those that arrive at the same office every day for 40 years constantly redefine themselves?

I told the kids about some of my sources for creative inspiration. How-to books that suggest one person's "method." Biographies and autobiographies of artists in many genres... how did they do it? How did they get by in this wacky world? Quotes. Movies. Songs. Especially the songs that get me out of bed each and every morning. I'd be lost without them.

And as I spoke to the kids, I realized that I was also speaking to me! I needed to hear my own words. I needed to fall in love with the process all over again. Like a recommitment ceremony where a couple renews their wedding vows, I found myself recommitting to the process and this journey all over again. For better or worse.

Their eyes flashed. Recognition. They are not alone on this path. I am not alone on this path. We are all in this together.

Writing with the BAMFs last Thursday reminded me of how much I LOVE THE PROCESS of putting a pen to paper. Of watching where the story leads me without my editor mind trying to control the whole process. Of being surprised. Of being delighted with a few small phrases. It's magical!

Singing Hawaiian songs and watching people's faces smile. That look of relaxation that comes over the muscles of the face. The way their mouths relax and slightly open--a smile and laugh ready and waiting. Sharing stories of my crazy times in the islands as the ultimate "outsider" who gets himself into ridiculous predicaments. Gosh... What a wonderful journey!

And now that I'm back in the Big Apple, I'm inspired. Inspired to pick up my 'ukulele and learn new songs. Inspired to open up my notebook, pen in hand, and confront the blank page again. Inspired to try my hands at new ways to express myself, too!

I love this feeling. And I need to blog about it so that 6 months from now, when I'm feeling like I have no idea where I'm going and what I'm doing, I'll be able to read this and remember it.

(originally published on Monday, July 27, 2009)